Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
