they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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