He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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