can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
