Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
