All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
