I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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