You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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