I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
