My room smells like vodka and shame
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
