i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
