then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
