last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
