and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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