I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love accidental penises.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
