I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
