There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
