Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
