The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
