my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
