You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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