If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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