she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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