Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My penis needs a shock collar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
