Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Plan B is the new Plan A
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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