Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
