This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
