I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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