If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
