You're my little dorito
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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