ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
