How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
