I want to walk on stilts...naked
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
