you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
