i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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