I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
