Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
