Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
