If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
