I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
