I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
