This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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