it hurts more in the daytime
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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