It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
