I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
