In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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