i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
