I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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