I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
