I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
