so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
