Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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