She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
