So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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